Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Science of Procrastination

There are probably much better blog posts out there about this by authors who have been on best seller lists or editors who have massive credentials lists. But today I want to talk about procrastination. This is because of something I am ashamed to admit. But today I'm going to. It has been nearly two years since I wrote a book.

I have four completed manuscripts under my belt and numerous failed starts. I have Spiral barely started and the complete redo of Griffin's Song which makes it an entirely different genre. I have half of Poison Ivy done with plans to finish up with this year's NaNoWriMo. But since Saddle Sore I haven't written The End.

Why?

I am an amazing procrastinator. I have homework, I have a manuscript to edit for work, I have to finish this season of Doctor Who, I should really edit my last book before starting on the new one, I have to make dinner, I haven't spent enough time with my SO, I want to read just one more chapter.

I have endless excuses not to write. And I am so ashamed of myself. Stories are constantly flowing through my head in snippets and images and then they're gone. And I tell myself only when things are truly vivid will I sit down to write a book. Because I've been published! Which means I should be at least a decent writer. A bad first manuscript is no longer acceptable! And all kinds of hogwash.

You see, I think I've become afraid of writing. I'm afraid I won't be published again. I'm experiencing a sort of diluted fear already published authors have. That you won't be good enough this time around. That the first time was a fluke. I'm a bad writer and I got lucky with Balancing Act, Saddle Sore is awful and full of plot holes and not steamy at all. Spiral is too serious compared to the companion novels, and why don't you just go make those scones you love and sit in a corner and binge eat?

I'm scared. I've been making excuses since I signed my contract with Entranced Publishing over a year ago. I want to be a writer, and I'm scared I'm not good enough.

I'm going to be a writer. I am a writer. I need to be a writer.

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